Gross Errors

I am always amazed at the amount of spelling/grammatical errors that I find on websites. I'm not talking about small sites like this one, I'm talking about big sites that see thousands of hits a day. I've seen it all over, MSN.com, ESPN.com, CNN.com, etc. Do these writers even bother to proof-read anymore? It's not like they are writing a novel or anything. I especially like this one I found today right smack dab on the front page of FoxSports.com:

"...Reid and McNabb needed each other to get grow through the tough times..."

"Get grow" huh? Sweet! Now what does it mean!

Here is another I saw today in an article on CNN.com:

"Before his arrested and placed on suicide watch, Alvarez was treated for superficial wounds..."

It's funny because I scrutinize this blog like it's going out of style and I maybe get 3-4 hits a day (sad I know). Yahoo and all the others? They must get hundreds of thousands, if not millions of hits. When what you write is only a paragraph long, proof read it you jackhole. Please.

Are you listening MTV?

Got a new show pitch. Here we go:
+ =
The show is called "Pimp My Bride". In many ways similar to Pimp My Ride, the premise is we take some of the homeliest (I'm talking butt ugly, folks) looking brides-to-be and give them this super makeover. I'm talking hair, makeup, plastic surgery - the works. Then right when they are all happy about their new look, we surprise them by sending 'em out on the streets where they are forced to whore themselves out! Why would they do that? Well, as it turns out, all that makeover shit doesn't come cheap (unlike Ryan's mom, heh) so these reformed "bitches" now have to turn $20 BJ's until they earn back all the money that was spent on their now look. Plus, they will learn a nice "life lesson" in the process. Xzibit will be the host/pimp/fashion consultant. This show can't miss!

The Pitch

My boss is making the big push. Today he offered my a big raise to try and lure me away from my plans to leave his business. I'll tell you this, it was a very good offer. But this is one opportunity I have to let pass me by. At some point you have to understand that a big chunk of your life is work. It's like having a girlfriend (without the sex of course... well maybe some sex...). You don't say "Well my girlfriend is boring, ugly as sin, and stinks but she sure can cook!" Well, it's the same with this job. Making money is very nice and all, but you HAVE to be doing something that makes you happy in the long run. A job is not always going to be peaches and cream, but neither are relationships. It's the good times that make us desire having a relationship in the first place. The same emphasis should be placed upon your job as well.

Besides, seeing my ex-girlfriend here on occasion really blows. Who the hell needs that? Not I!

Old Man Syndrome

You reach a certain point in your life where people you see start to look get younger and younger while you get older and older. When I was in high school (almost 10 years ago, damn you for asking!), there were 2 groups of people: The young and the old. Anyone not a student in school was young, everyone else sucked... er... were old. But now... now I don't know where I fall. Am I still young or old or what? I'm kind of in between. At what age do you look at yourself and say "I'm old." See, I don't know if I'll ever be considered "mature" by the National Standards Administration of America. I don't think I'll ever completely act my age, so to speak. Some societal norms don't coincide with my life philosophy. But you know what, thinking younger than you are will keep you young. And when I look at myself in the mirror at age 75 I can still think that I'm young because I think like a young person does. Because mirrors are lying bastards, man.

The countdown begins...

My boss and I had what would be referred to by humans as "a long chat", during which I told him of my desire to leave the company. He was very cool with that, not surprising since he is a very nice guy. What's next for me? Hopefully a better opportunity to succeed, baby. I mean when I have a job where I'm so bored that the highlight of my workday is this blog, well, we gots the problems yo! So what does this mean for bored at work? Nothing. I'm sure where ever I go, I'll be bored at some point during the day! And that, my friends, is when the magic happens.

Stupid Arguments - Mac Style!

So you are a mac "enthusiast", eh? You know what? I don't give 2 shits about it. "It just works" they say. Please see previous "2 shits" statement. My asshole "just works" too, but I don't sing it's praises wherever I go. Look, I have nothing against the Macintosh line or Apple computers in general. I grew up using the Apple II in school. I have many fond memories about traveling along the Oregon Trail. Numbers were calculated and words were formed in new and fun ways. HOWEVER, people of the Mac faith seem to be under some impression that there new G5 is God and their Powerbook is Jesus. Give it a rest. Seriously. Wrap it up, B!

There is space in this world for both PC's and Macs. I like that Macs are very reliable. I don't like the fact that they don't run all the software applications that I need on a day to day basis. I also don't like the fact they very are very expensive. A computer is a tool I use, and if it doesn't do what I need it to do, to hell with it. Macintosh is a format that is incompatible with what I need it for. If all I did was play in Photoshop all day, hey, Macintosh yay! But I don't so, PC all the way, mmmkay?

So next time you feel like being an elitist asshole about having a Mac, go ahead and save me the trouble and shoot yourself in the face. I'm really happy that you like your computer. But the moment you try and force your opinion on me, that's when I bring the hate my friend. Keep telling yourself "it's just a computer..."

Stinky!

I don't get too many people coming in and out of my office. Why is it then that the moment I decide to fart, someone strolls into the office. My ass gasket might as well be a office wide megaphone that announces to everyone that they are invited to partake in the olfactory goodness. And it usually has to be the hottest girl in the office too. You just want to come out and say, "hey, I farted. I'm not a naturally stinky person. You just decided to visit me on a smelly moment in time. Please come back later. And bring some matches please."

Early Signs of Alzheimer’s?

I'm sitting at my desk, going about the usual business, when I need to take a bathroom break (piss yo!). I'm in the bathroom, I got my member presented to the porcelain shine, ready to make a yellow donation. But nothing comes out. "That's odd," I say to myself quizzically. A sick realization comes over me: I already took a pee 2 minutes ago, but somehow, I had forgotten. My hands were still a little moist from when I washed them on my last visit here. WTF? Was I really so lost in thought that I had forgotten my previous adventure to the head? Why does CBS keep making television shows?

Of course this isn't the first instance of forgetful behavior on my part. I mean we are talking about the guy who forgets a person's name 1 second after being told said name. Seriously. Shit man, I forgot my date's name and introduced her to my a buddy of mine as "my friend". Come to think of it, that was the last time I ever saw her...

Needless to say (even though I'll say it anyway, god that expression sucks. Anyway, back to the point...) I will need to monitor the situation in the future. Now this is normally where you would insert some humorous quip about memory less (i.e. Now where did I put my my keys/dog/illegitimate child?), but I'll forgo that today and just end this post with a smile :)

Bored@Work Special: Ashlee Simpson

Retire. Please. Thank you.

You are not cool.

I'm not the epitome of coolness. I'll admit that right out of the box here. But at least I have never spent $1000+ on this shit. Look, I'm not about to judge people on trying something different or new. Yes these things are new and flashy and could possible have the term "all that" attached to it; the proverbial "shit" if you will. But when your car looks like it is moving even when stopped and can potentially cause an accident because of that fact, I'm going to have to say "no" to that idea and begin a fierce hatred of it. So can we please just slowly back away from this fad? Thank you.

Well the high school down the street just let out and all the "loud kids" seem to be passing by at the moment. I'll watch them pass from my second storey office window and quickly pass judgment on their existence while sipping my mug of water, a benevolent sneer on my face. If they only knew... Muhahah!

Lure of the Rising Sun

I have been thinking more and more over the last couple of days about trying out teaching english in Japan. Now would be a good time for it too. I'm single (again), I've completed college (computer science), and I'm ready to change jobs. Why not take a year and learn Japanese? It is an interesting prospect that exites me as much as it scares me. You only live once, they say! They also said it would rain today and you know what? They were right!

About the Japanese group that I was going to run (see previous post NOW), I found a group that meets every week and seems to be structured well. The first meeting is on Saturday, so we'll see how that goes. We'll also see if Saturday follows Friday this week. I'm pretty sure it will, but you never know. We all know how shifty Friday can be. Don't be a bastard Friday.