San Francisco & The Flamboyants

Thinking ahead a few days, I'm looking forward to a short weekend trip to the mystical shores of San Jose and San Francisco. I've been through San Francisco a few times in the past and, for the most part, had experiences there that I would deem as "good times"; The word merriment could perhaps be bandied about whilst describing previous trips.

Nevertheless (is nevertheless one word or three or....fuggit... back to the story), one thing that I won't ever get used to is the ultra-flamboyant gay guys cruising around in their sequined short-shorts and in a bright pink shirt that is knotted up in the middle to show some man cleavage. Now San Francisco is not overrun with these characters (contrary to popular belief, I'm sure), but you do see them more in San Fran than in other places; It would not have the reputation of "Mecca of Gay" otherwise (yes, I have a gay friend that does pray in the direction of San Francisco twice daily).

I'm not one to bash anyone's lifestyle, but please spare me my fucking eyes for the love of all that is holy. I'm glad your comfortable with who you are and all that, but do you really need to parade yourself through the streets wearing your sister's hot pants and a pink boa? No, you don't. I liken that display as a proverbial smoke blown in my face by an inconsiderate smoker, only this is an assault of the eyes instead of the nose. Save that shit for the parades, gentlemen. I mean they happen like, what, every other week up there right? ;)

Let's put this in perspective: You know those chicks who are like 50 or so pounds above the average weight scale? Well, it seems like a few of those "big boned" chicas like to prance around wearing "sexy" t-shirts pilfered from the Gap Kids store, plump mid-sections exposed, displaying for all to see the milky white skin that likens an image of an uncooked turkey. Not a pretty sight, unless you have a turkey fetish, in which case you should seek help. Well, that is how it is seeing these doods dressed up like 2 dollar whores! The same reactions are rendered. There's even a step-by-step reaction chart when you see a fat chica in a little shirt and/or an ultra flamboyant:

1. Initial sighting
2. Turn away in disgust/pain/embarrassment
3. (optional) vomit
4. "Hey, isn't that (insert famous landmark here)"
5 . (also optional) "Hey, isn't that (insert what you had for lunch here, which is now in a disgusting steaming puddle at your feet)"

We'll see what happens this weekend. May I not be scarred for life by any sort of spectacle of this nature. Judging by past experience however, this scenario is bordering on the "likely" end of the "I'm fucked" scale. I'll have a full report next Monday (lucky you!).