Perfect Women

A friend of mine and I were just talking a little while ago about the old addage that says the more like shit you treat your woman, the more likely she will want you more. My friend and I both don't subscribe to that bull shit. Look, I'm not going to be an asshole to you if you don't deserve it. If you are a woman who likes it when you are mistreated, baby, it's time to get the bolts tightened 'cause there is something loose in your head. I can't help but adore a woman (unless she is ugly; damn you to hell ugly bitches! - just kidding!). So, I figure this much about the potential "woman of my dreams": if she understands that being treated like a princess is acutally a nice way to live, then you are in like Flynn, yo! I just don't play the "want me because I mistreat you" game.

On an unrelated, albeit funny, note, here is a neat little pickup line. By the way, I'm a big fan of bad pickup lines. I'll have to field test this one and see if it works (it won't, but it sure would be fun to try).

I've got the "F" the "C" and the "K". All I need is "U".

Here's another good one:
Guy: Did you know you have 206 bones in your body?
Girl: No.
Guy: Whould you like one more?

Fucking classic! By the way these lines are stolen from the "Babes Channel" over at IGN.com.

Ouch!

Poor Nomar. He tore his groin muscle AWAY FROM THE BONE! I can't imagine the pain. But hey, let's all laugh at the picture of him holding his balls in agony! The internet is fun!

Tax Day & Baseball!

Did you do your taxes yet? I knew it! You are a son of bitch for it too! I checked my bank account today and, lest thine eyes deceive me, there was the federal tax return dollars waiting there patiently, ready to strike the local Best Buy and snatch up a new TV. Then I recall that the money needs to go to other pressing needs, such as repairing my knee so that I can move around without the assistance of a wheelchair. Damn you knee. Damn you straight to hell!!!

In other news, baseball is here! My San Diego Padres are looking to actually make a run for the playoffs this year. Best of luck to them and the worst of luck to all other teams who stand in their way. Speaking of baseball, there was a neat little incident involving Gary Templeton...er I mean Gary Sheffield of the New York Cockfucks and a fan sitting in the stands. Watch the video of the incident (I'm sure ESPN is looping it now as we speak). Now I fucking hate the Yankees, I'll get that out right now. But, I can't blame Gary for going after this guy a little bit. It might be hard to see on the shitbox internet video, but the fan who Gary pushed QUITE obviously made contact with Mr. Sheffield's face as he was trying to make a play on the ball. As a reaction, Gary pushed the dude and almost created a new vagina where the fan's mouth is. It was a knee-jerk reaction by Gary and he managed to restrain his roid-rage and not completely obliterate the fool in the stands.

Here's why I sympathize with Gary: when I get hit in the face (unless it's some kind of rough sex-play with an Asian female), I tend to be slightly irritated to the point of murder. Bottom line is that this fan shouldn't be reaching into the field of play for any reason and, accident or not, don't be hitting large black men in the face. That hardly leads to what I would call a "friendly encounter". That more than likely leads to "you got your ass fucked up, boy-eeeee! encounter". Don't be an asshat at the ballgame folks. Keep your damn hands on the inner-thigh of the girl you brought to the game (and through the grace of the good lord and perhaps a few beers, you'll be having sex with later) and just enjoy the game.